Yes, dear readers, it’s that time again. I’m sure you’ve been waiting with bated breath for the latest installment of “romance novel covers that will make you lose your lunch,” or whatever you choose to call this.In honor of Saint Patrick’s Day tomorrow, I’ve chosen a green theme for this installment. I hope you appreciate how hard I worked to bring this holiday-themed collection to you. My brain is full of hideous images, and I did it all for you.
This installment’s selections are oldies but baddies. What – did you think I would call them goodies? It takes a very special person to appreciate just how awful these covers are, and only that select few would consider these “goodies.”
Without further ado, the first example:
“I know why/there’s no birds up in the sky/stormy weather/since my man and I got together/all the animals have gone bye-bye…”
Terrible rendition of “Stormy Weather,” I know. What I DON’T know is, whose idea of a good time is making out in some intrepid hunter’s treestand, with poison ivy hanging all around? The better question is this: where are their clothes? Does the fact that we can’t see their clothes mean they shimmied up into this treestand naked? Oh, my head.
And now for the next one:
Wow, Marietta – nice suit. Really. I kind of dig that tunic, even if I do think the leggings are a little much. And I would have gone with brown boots, myself, just to complete the Robin-Hood-Meets-Tree look you have going there. But what I really want to know is, are you actually going to fall in love with that creature you’re sharing the cover with? The one whose hair looks like someone cut it with a bowl over his head? Plus he’s kind of creepy.
Now for our last cover of the day:
My, my, Miss Yorke. That’s a fine upturned basket you’re wearing on your head! I can tell you’re proud of it by the look in your mischeivous eye! The good news is, if your Marquess is the guy wearing the hat that looks like the ones they used to give away at Long John Silver’s, then you two are definitely going to suit! I mean, it takes a special guy to really appreciate a bad hat. Just don’t let any of the pointy edges of that awesome hat your Marquess is wearing poke your eye out, okay?