Sweet Rocket

Romance Reviews, Author Profiles and More…

More Awful Romance Novel Covers to Make Your Day

3 Comments

First the bad news: Miss Ruby is feeling poorly today. Who gets a cold in the middle of summer?

Then, the good news: Since Miss Ruby doesn’t have the willpower/brainpower/manpower to actually write anything, we have instead a veritable smorgasbord of awful romance novel covers! Yay!

Let’s start with this one:

Never seduce a Scot indeed. First, he’ll want to make sweet love on your college roommate’s grungy purple plaid comforter. Second, your dress will never be the same (unless, of course, it never fit you in the bust area, and was always slit right up to your hip). Last but not least, this Scot in particular has really bad hair. You can do better, honey. If you put another dress on, that is.

Now for an oldie-but-goodie:

If the fact that it’s called Child Bride isn’t enough to give you the willies, the cover is. Assuming your retinas have recovered from the artistic renderings of acid-washed jeans long enough to process the rest, you’ll likely have the same questions that I have when presented with a romance novel cover like this. The first question, is, naturally, “do all romance H/hs go around half-undressed as a matter of course?” The second is, “are all romance H/hs acrobats or rubberband people? Because they can always contort themselves in ways that don’t seem possible for the average human.” Then you’ll wonder, as always, who thinks that men are automatically 75% more attractive if they have long hair. A clue – no.

Then we have a recent e-book for your consideration:

While I respect The Wild Rose Press for expanding the definition of historical romance to include the 20th Century, I can’t get behind covers like this. Wait, no, I probably could, because everything on this cover looks cardboard: from the jukebox to the hero who looks like he’s got a blister on his toe.

Hey, did you know the Fortune Hunter had a cousin?

Just when you thought The Fortune Hunter had cornered the market on cover heroes that are supposed to be attractive but are freaky/scary/weird, here comes this guy. Over the Edge? I’ll say. Somehow, I don’t think that the standard ranch stash includes a few drops of LSD. Let’s just hope he has a nice trip!

And, finally…

I have nothing to add to that. 

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Author: J.E.

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

3 thoughts on “More Awful Romance Novel Covers to Make Your Day

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling poorly. But after looking at some of these covers, I don’t feel so well myself. (Except that I will defend purple plaid to the death. The death!)

  2. Have you seen the cover of Caroline Linden’s One Night In London: The Truth About The Duke? Avon can always be counted on for cringe-inducing taste, but this one…poor author.

    I hope you feel much better soon!

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